Sunday 23rd May 2010
Not long till the off. Todays traning consisted of a 6.45am start to walk round Emilys paper round with her and Mollly. Wee bit of breakfast, then cycled the 3.5 miles at 9.00am to work in Moyra Janes for the day. At 2.00pm (at the very, very busiest time) the temperature in the kitchen peaked at 35 degrees. Its looking like it could be slimblokeonabike..............
Cycled home at 5.30pm for a celebratory dinner.
Toasted with pink champagne by the 3 ladies in my life.
Then it was into the French themed menu!
Coquille St Jaques, Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Main course was beautiful chicken in a rouqfort sauce, the creme brulee. I had 2, though Molly did help a bit. Lots of pink bubbly, then a skelp of red wine. The perfect end to the day. Well done Ali and the girls.
Monday 24th May 2010
Up at 7.30am, washing, ironing and fannying about on the computer trying to get this site up and running. Off to Cambuslang to pick up yet another incredibly successful Box Of Delights buffet (High prices, but outstanding quality! Apply within), then in to the shop for a bit. Popped up to Hancocks then down to the SECC to stock up for Box Of Delights at the SECC for 3 nights of Westlife. By jingo I'm devistated that I am going to miss all 3 nights!!!! Just about to go and pick Emily up from Guides, then home for Glee, then with great excitement, ITS TRAIN TIME!!!! Whoop, Whoop, Whoop.
The caledonian sleeper (thank you very much to Kenny and threesa for the tickets) rolled out of glasgow at 11.50pm with 2 blase punters (alan and mike) and 2 childish VERY excited punters (greig and Derek) on board. Once we dumped our baggage in the rooms, played about with the inter connecting doors and made every joke possible about James bond and jaws possible, we headed to the buffet car where we enjoyed good Cal sleeper catering (even though they ran out of a lot). After a while, the busy buffet car emptied, and we were on our own till 2.30am, drinking and sorting out the worlds problems. This was interupted at 1.40am at carlisle station where we saw a train spotter with his big tripod....... Still, it keeps them off the streets!
My room mate in our suite on the train.
007 is looking for Jaws
Tuesday 25th May 2010
We were woken at ,6.50am with the sleepers full Scottish breaky. Coffee and 1 finger of tartan wrapped walkers shortbread. Nice, very nice!
After getting chucked off the train, we had proper breakfast at euston station, then headed down to Victoria for the train to crystal palace, where we were way-laid by Lizzie who was having the state open of parliament. We hung about for a couple of hours and watched the pomp, then headed to Victoria and got the train to crystal palace to our hotel, or Stalag 14 as we called it with the receptionist from the Kathy Bates from misery charm school. Basic is what you would call it. I am sure Sir Chris hoy, or usain bolt will not be staying there for the Olympics.
The State Opening of Parliament
With renewed vigour after dumping our bags and bikes, we headed back to the centre. The red lion was our first port of call. This is opposite no 10 and is where Charlie whelen used to brief/poison the press. 2 pints of lovely cold guiness and a steak burger, then we sat in the sun and watched William hague and George Osborne walk by. They obviously never came over to say hello once they clapped eyes on Hogarth 'dribbling' with excitement!
Next was a walk done to Victoria to meet alan McNeilage and Phil o friel who was down in london and wanted to hang out with us athletes. Again, another couple of delicious pints before hogie came up trumps again! His close personal friend, David mundell text him back to say he was happy to meet us and give us a tour of parliament. (that labour dead beat Jim Murphy never replied to Alans text! What way is that to treat your constituents?). A quick 2 courses at an Italian with a couple of bottles of wine, then a taxi up to westminster. By this time we were all VERY excited. Westminster hall (built 1097) greeted us and was magnificent, then up to the house of lords, then up to the viewing gallery to watch our new best friend David mundell take his place on the front bench to debate the queens speech. History in the making, and we saw it. Brilliant!
Westminster Hall
Only a matter of time till I'm elevated to the Lords
By this time we were all cream crackered, so taxi to Victoria, then straight to bed in our sumptuous suite!
Good night!
Wednesday 26th May 2010
5.30am start then down for a nutritous and healthy breakfast. The camera would not have done justice to the spread so I never took one. It was canteen quality of the lowest quality..... Then up to the car park to register, photo with crystal palaces tower in the background, then we started at 6.50am proper, all 84 cyclists.
The Magnificent 8 at 06.30hrs Crystal Palace, London.
The first 4 miles was through bus lanes getting out of central crystal palace. After 6 miles we were on country lanes, and at 8 miles we past a farm! In central London! Unbelievable!
The whole day was incredibly tough, with a lot more difficult hills than any of us expected! Its just as well that before I left I paid a visit to St Willy of Bain, the patron saint of bike mechanics. The man is truly a genius and all round good egg!
The organisers had done a magnificent job route planning, and the only time we were on a busy A road was when 12 of us got lost. After a 6 mile detour we were back on mesage! We still can't believe that 95% of the route from crystal palace to Dover was on quiet country lanes. Good job!
There was a water stop after 25 miles then a great lunch at 50 miles in a Cricket club then a final water stop at 75 miles. We arrived in dover, sore and tired about 4.15PM, then there was lots of hanging about before getting the ferry at 6.15PM
P + O's catering was the usual ferry standard, but after 100 miles the fish n chips and mushy peas were superb! Nice glass of merlot with a lemon tart, then a cold guiness just hit the spot.
The down side was having to cycle 8.5 miles in calais to the holiday inn. With the time difference, by the time we got our keys and came down for one drink it was 10.30PM. There was not much chit chat as we were even more tired than the last night as our total mileage from the day was 109.79 miles. The highlight of the day was when Derek and I were cycling up a hill together after about 20 miles. At the top a chap stopped. Derek and I asked if he was ok, he replied yes, I'm fine thanks, then he barfed over the side of his bike. Quality.
Then it was up to bed, and I am sharing with a randomer. John is his name, and it was all very polite on the first night. Wee bit of chat then off to sleep. Tomorrow night will be different when we share, as we have to decide who is mummy and who is daddy!
Good night x
Thursday 27th May 2010
Alarm call at 6.30am then down for a brilliant buffet breakfast at 7.00am. I thought after our night together John might have brought me breakfast in bed. There is always tonight! As usual when cycling, my appetite goes into overdrive. Ham, salami, boiled egg, cheese, muesli, scrambled, sausage, croissant and pain au chocolate all washed down with fresh orange and coffee. Magic! Days briefing at 8.00am then we set off at about 8.30am
Thursday Start
The days cycling was superb. It was a Phil Collins day (no jacket equired! - Derek Beattie thought it was another day in paradise!). The sky was blue, the hills were rolling, and we set a good pace. <placew:ston>Northern france really looked beautiful! The day was not as long as yesterday, and the hills were not as tortuous. A much more pleasureable experience.
Long down and up out of Calais
Our first water stop was at 25 miles, and again, a fantastic lunch at 50 miles in a beautiful setting. After lunch, when we were psyching ourselves up for leaving, alan Hogarth let rip with what I can only describe as a fart of monumental proportions. The poplar trees that surrounded the setting, shook so much that I am sure I saw a couple of squirrels fall from a great height. Even Julia, a very demure lady, couldn't help but be impressed by its pitch and resonance. She is going to be eating haricot verts tonight to try and compete with the hoagster.
Rehydrating
Lunch. Mmmmmmmmmm
From there we gingerly cycled with our full tummys (making sure we were always in front of alan!), the short 11 miles up to our next water stop. It was then just 11 miles to our ibis hotel in abbeville, where there is a great beer garden and we all got wired into beer and pastis to rehydrate! 72.29 miles in a good time made us justify our indulgence.
As yesterday, mark, Roddy and Terence were in the racing lead group, although there are cracks starting to appear in their strategy. Mark, had taken his stabilisers off his wee boys bike and his body had not been reacting well to the high speads. He was suffering from severe constipation, but late last night when he removed the saddle from his backside, and broke through his vaseline seal, he managed to produce a sample, and I now hear the floodgates are well and truly open. Terence has not been feeling to well, and is starting to go into a huff cos mark and roddys pace is too rich for him at times and he can't keep up! Roddy appears to be the rock that holds them all together. Let's hope he stays sane!
Its shower time now, then down for dinner at 7.30PM.
Good night x
Friday 28th May 2010
Well readers, before I get on to last nights dinner, I have to hark back to Tuesday at the state opening of parliament. Present were myself, Derek, mike and the hoagster. Cos we were first there, we took our positions on the pavement at parliament square, lent our bikes against the barriers and waited for Lizzie in her carriage. We were there for about one and a half hours (about 15 mins before Lizzie came by), when a policeman came up to question us about our reason for being there. It quickly became apparent that after seeing the padlocks on the bikes, he was concerned we had superhero outfits secreted away and we were about to pull a fathers for justice stunt! He was well placated when we explained our charity cycle, then showed him pictures of our kids and he realised we would not have went to ridiculous lengths to maintain contact with such ugly children......
Anyway, back to Thursday night. Mike came down to dinner, and we noticed he was sporting a fetching macho black eye. Now, we all have our suspicions on mikes real job being a British agent, so was the cycle a cover for his swashbuckling defending the realm, or was the naked wrestling that goes on between mike and his st annes dr. roommate just taken a little too far?
007's Black Eye
Dinner that night consisted of a bowl of mixed salad, lentil soup, then beef (or possibly horse meat) stew with straw chips. All not bad. This was washed down with beers for mike and pitchers of red wine for the rest of us. The hoagster asked me if that was the biggest 'cravat' of wine that they did? The boy is a genius who needs to go to 'wine' rack to get something to go round his neck when we get back to Euston!
After dinner we sat out in the sun drinking and chatting till 11.00PM when it was time for zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Breakfast in the Ibis hotel in Abbeville was a tidy affair. The usual mountainous selection with the addition of crepes! Very nice!
We set of with full tummys at 8.30am. It was again a very warm morning with a beautiful blue sky. We cycled through some stunning countryside, with the hedgeless fields rolling out in front of us like a multi coloured tapestry. After our first water stop we decided to stop at a wee cafe in a sleepy little town. Derek and I stopped at one, but mike and the Allan’s were up ahead so we had to catch up. In his excitement, Derek did not un clip his feet, and keeled over a la only fools & horses. Unfortunately, I was laughing so much, I never managed to get my camera out to capture the 2 minutes that Derek was on the pavement! We eventually caught the guys and found another cafe. I went in and ordered 3 cafe au lait, and 2 grand espressos. Feeling like a local with a brilliant command of the lingo, I went out to sit in the sun with the boys. 2 minutes later, jean Claude the waiter brought out 3 cafe au laits and 2 beers! My franglais is no where near as good as I thought, and the guys made me sit on the stupid step (which is one up from the naughty step) After sorting our order it was time to relieve ourselves before getting back on the bike. Hoagie, Alan and myself headed for the loo which was a manky wee cubicle. Jean Claude gestured to his knob, made a peeing sound then opened the door to his back garden where we enjoyed an alfresco toilet break. It would be great if that would catch on back home. I am sure the shoppers of bradfords would like a view out of the back of the OP!
Has Greig screwed up the order?
The Road to Beauvais
Tough Hill
Not far to Flanders
RAPE!
5 Go Mad in France
Derek looking good.
Greig and Victoria
Bit of History
Running Repairs
Crossroads
Onwards and upwards took us at a good pace to lunch, where again, the refueling standard was superb. We sat in a field beside a church eating, rehydrating and talking about our various aches and pains.
The stage to the last water stop will live long in our memory. We were traveling at a healthy pace, when it became obvious that the hoagster had his competitive head on. He would not let anybody pass him, and his legs were going faster than a moulinex whisk on his one geared bike! It was like bear baiting as we held back then took it in turns to pass him. Alan McNeilage nearly failed as he could not concentrate due to the sound of Derek and myself knotting ourselves at the back. Eventually, after comprehensively humping him at every sprint, we had enough of this purile and childish game, so we magnificently swooped past him and left him for dead!
When we met up at the last water stop, hoagie was berating all who had past him. As can be seen from the pictures, Alan aged 20 years in that 10 mile stretch, but after a gel, a alpen bar and a banana, he was back to the chipper, youthful hoagie that we know and love!
The water stop
Grampa Hoagie
The last stretch to the campanille in beauvais was a bit industrial after the beautiful countryside we has enjoyed earlier. Beer and pastis soothed away all pains from our 64.99 miles.
The bar in the hotel, was manned manfully by Laurent who did a great line in wheat beers, that we all enjoyed, as well as vin rouge and pastis. As the sun was still in the sky, we decided to have our dinner alfresco. We moved some place settings outside, but were still short of some cutlery. As I am a cunning linquist, I volunteered to sort it out. I remembered that the french for afork was fourchette, but I could not remember what the word for a knife was. Derek, fluent Parisian, Beattie put me right with un couteau. This word did not ring any bells at all with me, so being a stubborn pain in the arse, I googled it and text Lucy (Int 2 French). Obviously it all came back with DB 100% correct. Sometimes, when you are wrong, you are wrong, and it is best just to throw your hands up! (Although I wouldnt be suprised if it was a very strange and unusual dialect that was being taught in Woodfarm circa 1979!)
Dinner at night was a superb buffet of charcuterie and salads then lasagne, then french brownie and creme anglaise. Mmmmmmm. Bed by 11.30PM and a good bit of chit chat with John. BRILLIANT DAY!
What a feast!
Charcuterie
Night night x x x
Saturday 29th MAY
The final day and excitement buzzed around. We had the daily briefing the night before, and due to all having to meet to enter Paris together, there was a staggered start in place. The idea was the slower riders would start at 7.30am and the faster ones by 8.30am. It will be no surprise to anybody that we started at 8.30am.
Before we started, we caught Allan McNeilage stretching. None of us had ever indulged in any kind of that nonsense before, and we can only assume that he was trying to impress his new best friends so that they would take him up the Hoop!
What on earth is he stretching
When we eventually set off, we set a cracking pace for the first 10 minutes, then we hit the longest (not the steepest) climb of the trip. I reckon I was grinding away for 55 minutes before I reached the top. The last 20 minutes of the climb, I was cycling like Gordon Brown, one eyed! Sweat was mixing with my sun tan lotion and covering my sun glasses lenses, and getting into my eyes. It was stinging like buggery, but I carried on manfully cos I am tough, macho and determined (plus my mum wasn’t there to make it better!)
No wonder I could not see
After the summit, I cycled at a good pace with Terence. He had found Mark and Roddys pace a bit too rich for him and enjoyed my more sedate speed.Hopefully Mark and Roddy will be tested for performance enhancers cos I know they like the feel of latex on the skin.
We reached the first water stop at 22 miles quickly, had a quick pit stop, then pushed on to the lunch stop at 39 miles. From 32 miles, Terence was bursting for the loo, but as we were in citys, there were no forests to act as our own private loo! I kept on telling him we were nearly there and to hold it in, but he was near to bursting! At about 38 miles, he wrongly read the signs, and headed down to an underground car park in search of lunch and relief! He was not overly happy being pointed out his mistake, but we had to save him from the lycra loving underground car park trolls who would have eaten him alive!
At last we reached the lunch stop on the banks of the Seine. Terence and his beach ball bladder disappeared for 20 minutes straight away.
Again, lunch was stunning, and as we had to wait a long time for the nod from the authorities, we grazed on it for a long time.
I am afraid we have to stay on disgusting toilet story’s today. An un-named member of the Giffnock 5 was bursting for the loo, and it was not the one that could be satisfied by a bush or a tree. He went up to the loos at a visitor centre we had used. The one he used was a crouching down affair, with no seat, just foot holds. Oh and the light went out after 8 seconds. To top all this, there was no paper, and our bold rider did not look before he lept!!!!
After evacuating himself, he had to wipe himself with his bare hands, re dress, then wash his hands all in the pitch dark. Even though he scrubbed and scrubbed his hands, the biggest mistake he made was telling us! We never shook his hand or let him touch any food after that !
Once we had the go ahead from the authorities, we cycled the 12 miles along the Seine to our holding area in a city centre park. There we put on our blue Skyline T shirts, and waited on word from the Paris authorities. Apparently the group is either marshalled in on convoy by Skyline vans, or the gendarmes. I must say, the thought of us having Police outriders up the Champs Elysee made me stretch my lycra with excitement. Alas it was not to be, as the French rugby final was being played that night between Perpignan and Clermont, and the roads were rammed, and the tower area was a sea of red and yellow, being the colours of Perpignan. We eventually left the holding area for the 2ish miles to the centre being marshalled by Skyline staff on bikes (the authorities did not want any more vehicles in).
Because it was so busy, we took great care of Allan McNeilage. He is the size and appearance of the spitting image puppet from the 80s of David Steel. It was a huge debate on should we let him out of Dereks pocket for this glory leg, and none of us could face the look of disappointment on the wee guys face!
The ride to the tower was incredibly noisy and incredibly slow, with the traffic at escargot pace. Once we got there, there were photos, drink from the Perpignan fans, drink from skyline, and then even more photos. A truly memorable half hour.
It was then time to cycle the 2 miles to the hotel. This was a white knuckle ride of epic proportions. The traffic was mental as we weedled our way through. It really was eye of a needle stuff. Close to the Hotel, we past the Champs Elysee. It has always been an ambition of mine to cycle on it, but the authorities have banned charity cycle groups from it as it is too dangerous. By this time we had finished the charity cycle at the Eiffel Tower, and were on our own. Mike and I raced down to catch the others.. Mr Competitive was out of site as he raced to be first to the hotel, but we got Derek and David ‘ho ho’ Steel. We cycled back up the hill and found ourselves on the 10 lane cobbled Champs Elysee. It was everything I hoped it would be. I managed to go no handees for about 2 secs (that was enough), then I led the guys in a U turn on a 10 lane manicly busy Champs. They all thought I was crazy, but I found a 3 sec quiet bit as the clouds parted and the big man upstairs shone his light down for us to pedal like the wind. Boy oh boy, my lycra was stretched then……………
We got back to the hotel, after 56.84 miles that day, handed our trusty steeds to Skyline who were taking them back to London, then dumped our stuff in our rooms, then to the pub for celebratory Lager, Guiness and Pastis.
After a few swift ones, we had to go and make ourselves beautiful for the gala completion dinner in the hotel. ( I admired my nice bike short sun burn!) We first went up to the sky bar on the 35 floor of the hotel. 45 euro for 2 vodkas and coke and a blue poofy cocktail that the hoagster ordered. Great views, but we didn’t stay long.
Dinner was stunning. Smoked Salmon and Puy Lentils, then roast Lamb (mmmmm), then an appley thing (cant quite remember by this time………
After our kitty had run dry and needed replenishing thanks to the hotels bar prices, we headed back to the Irish pub across the road where the party was in full swing. Derek, Michael McIntyre, Beattie entertained us with his live at the Appollo act, and the night went on till 3.00am
I got a call from Derek at 3.00am while in my bed. David Steel had went to bed at 1.00am allegedly and had the room key. He would not wake up with Derek knocking. I phoned the room about 5 times, and his mobile about 4 times. Where was he? Was he alive? Was he up to no good? Derek had to go to reception, get another key cut, then got into the room to find wee David Steel fast asleep in his bed. The thimble full of lager earlier was obviously to much for the wee scamp! When I spoke to Derek when he was in the room I asked him to check he was still breathing. I cannot print the reply from Derek, as he was mighty hacked off to have been standing outside for half an hour when he needed his beauty sleep. Suffice to say everything was A OK in the morning and I breakfasted with David Steel and Michael McIntyre.
SUNDAY 30th MAY
Humungous breakfast in the posh hotel as we all fed our hangovers. We then packed up our room, popped our luggage into the concierge, then went up to the Arc D’Triomph to survey the scene of yesterdays triumph. We doddered about, walked down the Champs Elysee, had coffee and beers, then walked and walked and walked until we found a lovely wee café for lunch. Lamb, Lambs Kidney, Pork Stew, and Pork were on the menu for 4 of us. The Hoagster was still as competitive as ever, and thought he would get his lunch before everyone else by ordering Steak Tartare……………………. Beautiful lunch washed down with wheat beer and a couple of bottles of red. Lovely Jubbly!
2 Taxis took the 8 weegies to the eurostar, and we were back in dear old blighty by 6.30pm. Couple of pints beside Euston station, up for a curry with red and beer, then on to the sleeper, 1 drink in the buffet car then bed.
Its not bad to be able to have breakfast and lunch in Paris, dinner in London, and breakfast in Glasgow at 7.20am!
THE END
Final thoughts. 303.91 miles of sheer pleasure!!!!!!!!!
Skylines organisation way exceeded my expectations. The hotels were great, food was brilliant, directions were superb. If there were ever any problem Charlotte and her team were ready with a solution. I cannot praise them high enough, and I am pretty sure everybody else on the trip thought the same.
France looked magnificent. Its low slung hedgeless fields are so, so different from our own countryside. It was a pleasure to cycle through. I loved the fact that the French are a nation of cycle lovers. Usually, when a car approaches from behind, they will toot the horn from 100 yards away to let the cyclist know he is approaching. A great system! Over here, drivers toot cos they don’t want us on the road.
The best thing about the trip though was the laughs. It really was painful, laughing so much at childish humour. Its great to go away with friends, and come back with truly great, great friends.
The other great thing? We all raised a fair old wedge of cash for our chosen charitys, but remember, we don’t like to talk about it mate!
Au Revoir,
Greig x
The Magnificent 84 !!!!!!
